Our visit to Aimee’s wasn’t only healing for Bliss, dear ones, it was healing for me. I walked away from that space with tangible proof that our God is a good God. Still. And there are beautiful, incredible humans that will take the time and energy to love our children where they are at. Aimee as one of those people.
When life gives you lemons – a.k.a. all the wildness – you can either make some super delicious lemonade with it… or you can not. With six years of mothering a gorgeous child with sensory processing disorder and fifteen years mothering me – a woman living with chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS/ME) – under my belt, I have personally come to the conclusion that either we choose to thrive… to make the lemonade… or we choose to not thrive.
No one can prepare you for the highs and lows of motherhood, fatherhood, parenting or caregiving. But for me, this one verse, has again and again come to my heart. Seek the Lord. Seek Him at 2 a.m. when the baby won’t stop crying. Seek Him at 3 p.m. when the toddler is rolling across the grocery aisle floor because you forgot to bring him or her home for their afternoon nap. Seek the Lord when you’re sick and tired… and sick and tired of being sick and tired. I feel like if we just do this one thing, it’s all going to be okay. Because you can see Him in small moments. And in seeing Him… perhaps you’ll take pause and savor whichever season you’re in.
Numbed-out by the tumultuous few weeks before we took flight – and absolutely emotionally exhausted by the child I aim to be loved-by (wince) – I chanted the words “Help Me” over and over as I pounded the boardwalk above the most beautiful ocean I’ve ever seen. One foot. Help. Second foot. Me. Over and over again. And then the words I was needing to hear punched me in the gut…
During our travels, Conner had a grand-mal seizure, which would require him to be transported to a children’s hospital in Indianapolis. Doctors ran endless tests; and Craig was flown out to Indiana on the airline he was working for.
During this time, the doctors would tell us he wouldn’t amount to anything; that Conner would be a vegetable the rest of his life. It seemed like more bad news after more bad news.
Have you ever felt like you have had enough? Enough is enough, right? That’s how my husband and I felt.
I’m a believer to my core. I say that I found Jesus before I knew he existed; a calming presence in the middle of storms that came upon me long before my path today. Yet, I too have struggled with doubts. My biggest came when I saw my business go up in smoke as chronic disease met special parenting. I didn’t quit on my business or my God. But let’s just say that fear took the reigns. I feared that I would never see my business prosper again. And I feared that my God’s plans for me weren’t all that good. That maybe my suffering was attached to His greater plan. That maybe staying faithful without my health or my child’s sanity was more than just a test – but my life’s work.
A flashback to our Bliss at three. Oh, how I thought I would know how to handle this age after our sweet Mild turned wild for a year. But nothing can prepare you for life with a child who has challenges with her mental and behavioral health. Cheers to the differently wired, sweet girl. You’ve been inspiring me since birth!