Friend, your babies will inspire you. They will tire you. They will encourage you. They will enrage you and engage you and make you laugh until your sides hurt and cry until you're sure there isn't a single tear left. And they will tear you apart into pieces that can never be stitched back together again. (Don't tell anyone I told you this, but you don't want the old you to be stitched back together. You want the new you. I promise a million times over you want her! Even if the her you are today isn't the one you imagined you would be. I pinky swear!)
I prayed and prayed, and often heard what I wanted - but I didn't really listen. Because God is a God of love and people. And when I returned to work part-time in 2017 (just prior to Melanoma) I was acting out of love... but not for all of His people. Truthfully, I was escaping our Wild - who does life with a severe anxiety disorder and struggles with sensory processing and who can rage in the blink of an eye... and I was tired.
I'm a believer to my core. I say that I found Jesus before I knew he existed; a calming presence in the middle of storms that came upon me long before my path today. Yet, I too have struggled with doubts. My biggest came when I saw my business go up in smoke as chronic disease met special parenting. I didn't quit on my business or my God. But let's just say that fear took the reigns. I feared that I would never see my business prosper again. And I feared that my God's plans for me weren't all that good. That maybe my suffering was attached to His greater plan. That maybe staying faithful without my health or my child's sanity was more than just a test - but my life's work.