This side of Heaven… I keep typing these words over and over again. This side of Heaven, we won’t understand X, Y, or Z… This side of Heaven I absolutely will not understand my daughter’s journey. But, I’ve decided to skip the stress of it. (Sigh.) You can read the rest of my thoughts on theContinue reading “Parenting Special Kids Through the Holidays”
It’s Sunday night – we are on an airplane ride home – and the most beautiful little girl on the planet is sprawled across my lap. Her feet brush our neighbor’s leg… Fortunately, as my Father would have it, Lisa is a friend from church and she knows our Bliss. And by knows, IContinue reading “Raise Your Voice, Mother or Other”
Today I’m trying my hand at poetry. We’ll see if I can convey the joy I’m experiencing. I pray I can. Blessings, sweet friends xox J. I see Jesus In the sunrise No child in my bed For perhaps The first time In a decade. I see Jesus In the bath time When I canContinue reading “Where I See Jesus”
Numbed-out by the tumultuous few weeks before we took flight – and absolutely emotionally exhausted by the child I aim to be loved-by (wince) – I chanted the words “Help Me” over and over as I pounded the boardwalk above the most beautiful ocean I’ve ever seen. One foot. Help. Second foot. Me. Over and over again. And then the words I was needing to hear punched me in the gut…
During our travels, Conner had a grand-mal seizure, which would require him to be transported to a children’s hospital in Indianapolis. Doctors ran endless tests; and Craig was flown out to Indiana on the airline he was working for.
During this time, the doctors would tell us he wouldn’t amount to anything; that Conner would be a vegetable the rest of his life. It seemed like more bad news after more bad news.
Have you ever felt like you have had enough? Enough is enough, right? That’s how my husband and I felt.
Friend, your babies will inspire you. They will tire you. They will encourage you. They will enrage you and engage you and make you laugh until your sides hurt and cry until you’re sure there isn’t a single tear left. And they will tear you apart into pieces that can never be stitched back together again.
(Don’t tell anyone I told you this, but you don’t want the old you to be stitched back together. You want the new you. I promise a million times over you want her! Even if the her you are today isn’t the one you imagined you would be. I pinky swear!)
I’m a woman who does life with a chronic disease – I’ve had a mosquito borne virus and cancer and two complicated pregnancies. I have experienced the depths of grief and despair in multiple seasons. I have had physical pain that others cannot imagine. I’ve raised a medically fragile baby. I have a special needs daughter. Yet (wait for it)… I’m spiritually well.
A few weeks ago, I mentioned to my mentor/sponsor that I felt like the Lord was calling me to take a few days off from really real life. Being a mother is my heart and soul. Yet, to my Maker, I am immeasurably more than a mother. He calls me beautiful on my worst days. Which makes me wonder, what does He call me on my best? (Wink. I think it’s just “still” His.)
I’m a believer to my core. I say that I found Jesus before I knew he existed; a calming presence in the middle of storms that came upon me long before my path today. Yet, I too have struggled with doubts. My biggest came when I saw my business go up in smoke as chronic disease met special parenting. I didn’t quit on my business or my God. But let’s just say that fear took the reigns. I feared that I would never see my business prosper again. And I feared that my God’s plans for me weren’t all that good. That maybe my suffering was attached to His greater plan. That maybe staying faithful without my health or my child’s sanity was more than just a test – but my life’s work.
A flashback to our Bliss at three. Oh, how I thought I would know how to handle this age after our sweet Mild turned wild for a year. But nothing can prepare you for life with a child who has challenges with her mental and behavioral health. Cheers to the differently wired, sweet girl. You’ve been inspiring me since birth!