Today’s Voices of Motherhood guest post is by a friend I met through social media – a fellow special needs parent and believer in Christ. For me, being a parent to a developmentally-different child has brought me to my knees. The exact place where I believe the Lord wants me. It’s been the most heart-shattering space on earth. It’s been the biggest blessing to be here, too. Read on to hear Kimberlee’s perspective.
Oh how thankful I am to be surrounded by women like this!
Hold On Tight And Have Faith
Written by Kimberlee Adams, Mom of Two
Years ago, I met my husband Craig online in a chatroom. We chatted a lot and over time would get married. We were happy. Well, as happy as we thought we could be. After being married for a few years, we would go through a miscarriage and it would break our hearts.
Then we became pregnant again, and this time would have a beautiful baby boy. We would name him Conner. He would be born and look like a healthy child.
But, when Conner was about a year old, he and I flew out to Indiana to visit Craig’s parents. Leaving Craig in Phoenix to work. During our travels, Conner had a grand-mal seizure, which would require him to be transported to a children’s hospital in Indianapolis. Doctors ran endless tests; and Craig was flown out to Indiana on the airline he was working for.
During this time, the doctors would tell us he wouldn’t amount to anything; that Conner would be a vegetable the rest of his life. It seemed like more bad news after more bad news.
Have you ever felt like you have had enough? Enough is enough, right? That’s how my husband and I felt.
When is enough going to be enough? The doctors didn’t really have answers. I remember that day so well. I remember crying. I remember asking God what is it that I did wrong that he would put me through so much pain? I mean, honestly… I’d had ENOUGH!
I remember asking God to help Conner.
I remember praying.
I had never prayed so hard. All I wanted was for Conner to be okay.
We would later discover Conner would be okay – to an extent. Conner was diagnosed with Epilepsy, Cerebral Palsy, Autism, Sensory Processing Disorder, immune complications and he would be developmentally delayed. What would be easy for you, would be more challenging for him. For example: communication. Conner doesn’t speak full sentences. He requires a device to help him communicate what he needs. He requires sometime to help him bathe himself, change his diapers, etc. He isn’t a baby either, he’ll be 13 soon!
I remember asking God at one point in time… why are you punishing us? What did we do that was so bad, you’d curse us with a child who couldn’t do anything for himself? I know, I know… we were not being punished. God would be blessing us.
We decided we couldn’t have any more kids. Conner would be a handful for us to take care of…
God would have different plans for us though. I became pregnant with our daughter Lila. Those two have a bond you can’t break. They love each other. I remember thinking about God and what he wants from us. He wants us to have Faith in him. How can you have Faith with so many struggles? Our struggles are real. Do you ever feel at times, like you’re in a boat out on the ocean. One moment, it’s beautiful out. The sun is shining, the sky is a beautiful blue and the ocean is calm. No waves of any kind that could tip you over. Kind of like the calm before the storm. Then, there are days where the sky changes to darkness fast. The sky is filled with lightning. You can hear thunder. The winds start to pick up and your boat starts to rock. It rocks even more while the rain starts to fall. There is no more calm. You have to find a way to hold on, to secure yourself and hope the store will pass. Eventually, the storm starts to pass. The rain, wind, thunder, and lightning goes away. Your boat is fine and you managed to make it through the storm.
Isn’t that what our Faith in God is like? When we believe in Him and His wondrous power, we are like the calm before the storm. When we become doubtful or lose our faith in Him, He reminds us with the crazy storm. He reminds us that we can have the calm. Following him and listening to his words.
There will always be storms. No one is saying there won’t be. We just need to hold on. Have Faith and believe in Him.
Never doubt what He can do. That will calm the storm. I’ve been through many storms. My Faith in God has and will always be tested. It’s how I hold on and make it through the storm that proves how my Faith remains. I believe God has a plan for us all. We all will go through things. This life isn’t easy. I try to make the best of every bad situation. Wake up, put a smile on my face. Nothing is going to get me down. Make the best of any situation. Believe in God and believe what he can do. The storms are coming… hold on tight and stay strong for it will pass too.
A big thank you Kimberlee for sharing your heart.
Reader-friend, if you are struggling with your faith in motherhood, please reach out. We are worthy of being well (body, mind & spirit), we are better together, and we are made for so much more than we realize.